anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
