rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
