hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
