I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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