that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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