I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
