You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
