whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
