I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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