He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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