Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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