Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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