I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
