I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
