Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
