We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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