I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got inside last night via doggy door
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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