I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
