Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
