just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
