Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
