never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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