I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
