You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
