White coat. Heels.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
