Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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