just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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