Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
