The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
