I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you never un-have a 4some
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
