he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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