So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
