we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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