he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
