i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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