im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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