We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
