I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
