Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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