Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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