So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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