A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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