I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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