Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
