He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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