I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
