Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
