Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
