tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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