Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
