coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
