i barfeds in our rink
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
