Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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