Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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