Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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