fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
