he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
