her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
