Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
