I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
