dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
