you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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