I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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