Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
