Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
