Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
