i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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