He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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