My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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