Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
