All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
