The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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