His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
