apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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