she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
