Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dicks are not precious.
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