Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
