Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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