My Higher Power is John Stamos
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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